Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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