theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
