Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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