You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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