he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
