I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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