he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
