It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
