I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
