i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
