see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
