i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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