You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
