Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
