Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
