I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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