Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
