i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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