Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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