My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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