Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
