# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
