i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
too bad you live with your parents still
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
