I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
