Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
