wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
