Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
