Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
