Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
