I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
