He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You are a genius and a whore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
