Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
