yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
