i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
