My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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