Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
