Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is Oprah even human
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
