never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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