Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
