i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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