i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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