Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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