break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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