I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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