he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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