the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
