I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
