Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
