When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
