Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
